Could you imagine getting an apartment with the person you love. Falling asleep beside each other, and waking up to see that cute little dopey smile they make when they first get up. You’d never have a bad start to your day, because they’d be the perfect start.
the notes holy fuck…
Well I’m considering not going to class tomorrow. It’s only one class and I don’t have work and I really don’t feel like it. I’d rather sleep in a little then sit and study and then play Mass Effect. I think that’ll make me feel better.
I can’t shake this off yet. Talked about it a bit with bestie and he made me feel a little better. I’m gonna take care of the rest of my student loan paper work on Tuesday. And even though the news that a less worthy coworker got a full time position, I bit the bullet and sent an email to my supervisor leaving myself open. I need the money and the health insurance, even if I have less time to study.
I’ll shake off this funk soon I’m sure. It’s my usual January blues I think.
Oh dear, I’ve let myself wander down darker paths.
I’ll be turning on the queue for a few hours to give my blog a little life. I need to study in the morning, somehow.
The lure of money is barely enough to convince me to go to work tomorrow. I want to sleep.
I’m pretty sure I reblogged more stuff. Don’t know if I should blame Tumblr or my university’s crappy internet.
Not happy.
There, I said it. No I don’t feel better. I feel bitter and resentful. All I ask are two days out of seven. Apparently its too much.
I think I’m just being a bitch. But I’m also just tired and hateful towards my job. There are at least 50 of us at my job, so why do the same 10 or 15 of us pitching in till 7, 8, 9pm? I don’t mind work, I get paid double for overtime, but I hate that I’m up at 5am for running, out of the house at 7, clocking in at 8, and leaving work at 8. I had to drop out this semester, I hardly see or talk to anyone, and I have to spend Saturdays out of the house and Sundays I sleep because otherwise I’m just too fucking tired for the week.
I just want to go back to bed. I don’t hate my job. Just tired.
And since I have no hope of friends even being remotely available or even existing, I don’t have plans for my birthday except to lie on a beach soon as I return from my parents house, probably with a bottle of Jager wearing the swimsuit I bought for no reason because my mother changed her mind about going to the beach while I’m home.
So, as usual, not really looking forward to it. Nothing great ever happens anyway. Besides, I’m turning 24 and haven’t accomplished a damn thing yet, why bother.
You know what bothers me? Everyone goes out and has fun whenever I’m not available, but I’m around half the summer and no one cares. All that makes me really smile was getting a text from an old friend of mine, almost soul mate even. I was sure had forgotten me, what with being pregnant now. But no, as it turns out, she missed me very dearly, and wished only to have time soon to see me for my advice and company. I never really thought she would think of me like that; truth be told, I was always admiring her when we were work buddies.
But though she seems to be in a tough position now, though it’s been months since we’ve seen each other, she hasn’t forgotten me, and that’s worth more than I can write in words here.
no I don’t understand my pessimism either perhaps writing this three page crap is the source
